I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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