Screwed.edu
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
