Its about making memories worth repressing
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
