nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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