Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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