it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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