Sponge bath it is.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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