the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
