its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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