now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
