a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
