He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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