MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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