Your mouth is God's brothel.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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