The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
