If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
