At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
