not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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