addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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