i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
