He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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