Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
