i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
