its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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