do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
