I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
