So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
