Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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