I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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