Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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