I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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