If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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