i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
