mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
