Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize