Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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