he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
