I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
