I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
