apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize