Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
