every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
