dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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