does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
