the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize