If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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