they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
