apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
