My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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