Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
