Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
