Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
