just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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