This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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