I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
