i just google imaged poop.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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