I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
