if you like me you must not know who I am
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
