I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
