I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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