When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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