If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize