I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
