so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
