Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
