im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he's gonorrhea incarnate
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
