guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
