In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
