just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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