I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
