Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
