My nipple is on Facebook.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
and she was petting her beer can
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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