We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
