Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dignity is for republicans.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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