I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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