Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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