If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
