My room smells like vodka and shame
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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