You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
