p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
