I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
