6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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