i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
