is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
