all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize