So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
ok first of all what the fuck
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
